


Strange Encounters of the Assinine Kind

by talesofsuspense



Series: Happy Steve Bingo 2019 [10]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - No Powers, Crack Treated Seriously, Flirting, James "Rhodey" Rhodes is a Good Bro, M/M, Questionable Fashion Choices
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-15
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2021-01-31 05:16:27
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21440827
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/talesofsuspense/pseuds/talesofsuspense
Summary: “What pants?” Rhodey asked before Tony heard him suck in a breath.
Relationships: Steve Rogers/Tony Stark
Series: Happy Steve Bingo 2019 [10]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1482818
Comments: 4
Kudos: 117
Collections: Happy Steve Bingo 2019





	Strange Encounters of the Assinine Kind

**Author's Note:**

> For my Happy Steve Bingo square “Telephone Booth”
> 
> I saw a pair of pants on instagram with “you gay if you’re reading this” seen across the ass and couldn’t get the thought of Tony wearing those and Steve staring out of my head.
> 
> Sorry for the horrible title joke, I cant help myself sometimes.

“Rhodey you’re not going to believe what’s happening right now,” Tony said as soon as he heard Rhodey pick up. He heard him sigh but he was too busy watching the hot guy check  _ him _ out from the corner of his eye that he didn’t even bother making a smart comment.

“Please tell me you didn’t drop your phone in another storm drain and that’s why you’re calling me from a pay phone again,” Rhodey said, sounding exasperated but also like he was trying to hold back a laugh, so Tony wasn’t too worried.

“ _ No _ ,” Tony grinned, watching the guy’s face turn red when he actually read the words stitched into the ass of Tony’s pants. “This time I just left it at home. Hey did you know that there’s an honest-to-god phone booth next to the bus stop on Newberry? What year is it? Anyway, this hot guy is checking me out right now. He’s sitting on the bench in the little waiting area for the bus. And I’m wearing the pants. Oh man, this is too good.”

“What pants?” Rhodey asked before Tony heard him suck in a breath. “Oh god, please tell me you don’t mean the pants with ‘you’re gay if you’re reading this’ written on the ass that you and carol made at the Christmas party last year.”

“Yes those!” Tony laughed, clutching the phone tighter against the side of his face. “Honestly, I’ve never been this happy to have someone stare at my ass before.”

“That’s probably not true,” Rhodey sighed again and Tony heard what sounded like their old-as-hell couch shifting. “But unfortunately I have some morbid curiosity about this. How did he react?”

“He turned red,” Tony said gleefully. The guy wasn’t looking at him anymore, instead staring down at his phone and biting his lip. The blush was mostly gone now, but Tony could still see a little pink flush on the tips of his ears. “It was as cute as he is hot. Also hilarious, to be honest. I’m debating my next move.”

“How long until the bus comes?” Rhodey asked and Tony grinned. There it was, the Rhodey who got himself locked into the basement of the Science building with Tony because Tony had wanted some piece of lab equipment. He loved when Rhodey encouraged him.

“Uhh, like 15 minutes?” Tony glanced down at his watch and then back at the guy, smirking a little when the guy jerked his head away suddenly and a flush started creeping over his cheeks. “Bus Stop Ass Man was looking again.”

“Repeated interest. A good sign,” Rhodey said thoughtfully. Tony held back a laugh. It was like they were working a case. Only the case was getting Tony a hot man. “Okay, I know what you have to do.”

“What?” Tony asked, still grinning. 

“Ask if he needs to use the phone,” Rhodey said. Tony paused, a little confused at the suggestion but curious enough to want to know more.

“Okay but he's on his phone right now,” Tony said, dragging the sentence out obnoxiously enough that Rhodey sighed. “Why would I ask that?”

“It’s just a conversation starter. Plus a way to show you’ve seen him looking without starting by saying that,” Rhodey explained with the tone of someone who thought that should’ve been obvious. Tony hummed in assent. 

“Rhodey, this just may be your most brilliant plan yet,” Tony said, grinning wide enough that he probably looked like a vaguely unhinged person, standing in a phone booth alone at night and smiling at the phone. “I’ll call you when I get back home with the results.”

After he hung the phone up, Tony walked out of the phone booth and towards the bench where Bus Stop Ass Man was sitting, making his walk more of a sashay even though Pepper always said it made him look stupid. Who got the most ass out of both of them anyway? (Not Tony, but that doesn’t matter). 

He stopped in front of the man, standing with one hip cocked and cleared his throat. The man looked up from his phone and Tony laughed to himself a little at the thought of asking the question he was about to ask.

“Yes?” the man asked, a confused little frown on his face. He really was gorgeous, even more so close up. Tony hoped he’d have more time to explore that later.

“Hi, I was just wondering if you needed to use the phone. If you do it’s free now,” he said with what he considered his best smile. The man blinked up at him and Tony bit his lip to avoid bursting out laughing right away.

“Oh, um. No, but thanks?” The guy said, perplexed. He waved his phone in the air a little with a shy smile. “I have my phone.”

“I see. Okay, it’s just that I noticed you kept looking over at me when I was on the phone, so I thought maybe you’d needed it for something,” Tony chewed his lip, pretending to actually be thinking about the situation. He cheered internally when the guy’s face started to flush a pretty red color again. Rhodey really was a genius. 

“Oh my god,” the man put his hands over his face, shaking his head slightly. Tony watched his biceps flex with the movement, not above enjoying the delicious product of the man’s discomfort. It was all just for fun anyway. “I’m so sorry-“

“I mean, I know my ass is fantastic, but I didn’t want to presume that you were actually staring at my ass,” Tony interrupted his apology with a smirk. The man paused for a second. His face was still red, but he looked more contemplative than scared.

“Well yes, but it was actually the words on your ass that kept my attention,” the man said, leaning back against the bench. He looked significantly more relaxed and Tony had to give him credit for seeing the game so fast and playing into it. He was fun.

“Wow, you catch on fast. I like that in a man,” Tony smiled and held out his hand. “I’m Tony.”

“I’m Steve,” Steve replied, shaking his hand with a smile in return. “So do you wear those purposely to snare people into this game or was this just an act of God?”

“I’d have to say an act of God this time,” Tony said with a laugh. “I just haven’t done laundry in a week and a half.”

Steve hummed, still grinning. His eyes were shining with amusement now and Tony was growing more smitten by the minute. “So why do you have pants with that sewn into the ass anyway?”

“Questions pertaining to life history are reserved for Date Number 1, but if you let me put my number in your phone and promise to call me, I might tell you the story,” Tony said, sitting down next to Steve on the bench. Steve laughed and pulled his phone back out, placing it in Tony’s hand.

“You’ve got yourself a deal.”


End file.
